It’s Sunday and another confessional is upon us. Here we go.
1. I NOW USE “REEVA” TO CLEAN MY DISHES.
That’s right. I don’t use DAWN for dishes; I use her forgotten step-sister, Reeva. This started when I was curious about the “Aldi” grocery story that resides in Durham. What’s in there? Why does no one come out with bags? What kind of stuff does this Aldi have? I gathered my courage, ventured inside, and found discount EVERYTHING. It was awesome. Discount laundry detergent, fabric softener, cleaning supplies, and dish soap, all comparable to brand-names! So now Reeva dons our countertops and cleans our dishes, and I’m sure somewhere out there, Dawn is super-jealous of her underdog sister winning over the Gorman household.
2. MY HUSBAND USED THE PUMPKIN COSTUME HE WORE WHEN HE WAS 3 YRS OLD AS HIS HALLOWEEN COSTUME.
No, really. I decided to be the “crazy cat lady.” I had a dress with cats on it and decided to throw on a pair of ears. Super original, I know. But whatever I lacked in shock-factor, Cole made up for it a hundred-fold. I walked down the stairs, ready to head out to our friend’s Halloween-bash, to find Cole sitting on the couch with a pumpkin costume on. Except it didn’t fit right. It only fit his torso. HIs legs? In tights. I asked where the costume came from and why it was so small. He then proceeded to explain that it was the only costume that looked like his 3 year old costume, but it was still meant for a child. He somehow attached the bottom together to look like an adult onesie, allowing him to step inside! I laughed so hard I about cried. Here’s the side-by-side from then and now.
3. I’M IN LOVE WITH A DOG I’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO HAVE.
That’s right. Cole and I found the perfect dog. We love the Bernese Mountain Dog, but they SHED LIKE CRAZY and they are a bit big for our downtown home. So I was googling how in the world I could find a Bernese that didn’t shed. And Google came through.
A BERNEDOOLE! A poodle mixed with a Bernese Mountain dog! It’s low-to-non shedding and is a cute fluffy mess! Oh. And it’s $3000. YES. Three THOUSAND dollars. So we’re saying goodbye to our dream-dog and we’ll probably be off to the pound soon to find a free pup that needs some love.
4. I HATE THE DUCK FACE.
I know, I just lost about half my blog followers. But I just had to come out with it!
Everytime I scroll through social media these days, it’s like
a lost forgotten ALS ice bucket challenge someone reposted
I don’t even have ’em yet, but the babies I can handle (at least the appropriate ones). But all these duck faces. Y’all.
Why do I hate it? I just think it looks weird and “I’m trying to be sultry but look like a platypus instead.” Sultry doesn’t happen in a selfie. It’s an X-factor thing that some women just have and they don’t have to prove it on Instagram. Also, sultry is seen as the highest virtue of a woman these days and that attribute is no where close to what makes a woman a true role model.
Why can’t we all just smile? What’s wrong with smiling? What’s wrong with showing teeth in our pictures? Are we all of a sudden weirded out by teeth? What’s wrong with looking happy in a photo? What happened to all the happy people in photos?! There’s next to no more happy people. Only I-really-want-to-be-seen-as-sultry people. Can we give an award to all these people that says “you made it. You’re sultry! Everyone thinks your lips are super plump and awesome and your cheek bones naturally look sucked in.” Maybe if these awards could be given out, people would think they achieved their goal, stop the duck facing, and smile.
Also, as a quick side note, I realized that if classical art was created in this day and age, it would look like a horrible version of the Mona Lisa. Is this what female beauty has come to?!
Okay. That’s enough confessing for this Sunday. Tell me your thoughts! Do you like the duck face? Was your Halloween costume amazing?